WARNING:
This entry may contain material that is unsuitable to those who feel as if "love talk" could prove to be too overwhelming and that it is not worth their precious time. Those that are narrow-minded, cold-hearted and heartless are advised to LEAVE NOW.
You have been warned.
Hey.
I don't know if that was necessary but it would save your time if you're not interested in me going on about my thoughts of love.
Thanks, if you're still reading up to here.
So, here it is.
I love a person, deeply.
Don't get the wrong idea.
I'm still single and very available.
I don't know why things like this should be kept secret, though, the fact that we really love someone.
If I know that something I feel is real, I show it.
I'm not a fan of lies.
I don't like lying.
It's despicable.
Anyway, I have this question that's been circling around in my mind for a very long time.
I don't really know how to put it in a full, direct, one-shot question but it is something that I'd like to know the answer to.
I'm confused, baffled and somewhat blind sighted by the fact that people can love more than one person.
So here's the thing.
I've seen this, a lot of times.
In movies, in TV shows and especially in real life.
Some girls and some guys blurt out, "I love you" to a whole bunch of different people.
I mean, how can that happen?
How can you jump from one lover to another?
How can you change your feelings of affection from one person to another?
What's more, phenomenons like this happen in just a matter of days.
I see girls around my age already having more than one boyfriend in a span of months.
And they claim that they "loved" every one of them.
It's weird.
Like, totally.
How can a heart the size of your own fist tolerate so much love for so many different people?
This excluding your love for family and other things.
I'm talking about love formed between two separate souls that merge to become one.
I'm talking about love that is searched and not love that exists because of family relations and such.
I'm talking about love, TRUE LOVE.
If you love someone, if you really, really loved someone, how could your feelings change?
Is it because that person didn't turn out to be the person you thought he/she was?
Is it because you had a misunderstanding?
Is it because the pair didn't match?
Or they weren't meant for each other?
Or is it because those feelings you had were just lies?
That those feelings you felt weren't what you really felt?
That the sentence, "I love you" meant nothing significant to you?
It's preposterous.
Seriously.
I'm not condemning those who've had numerous partners and tons of relationships but I just don't get it.
I just don't.
I really, really don't.
I don't get how once upon a time you were so committed to a person but then you commit yourself to another person.
My mind has been hurting, trying to think of reasons how the heart could possibly love another person the same way they did for one person before.
Is love permanent or is it just temporary?
Is "getting over somebody" really possible?
If it is, how?
How do I change my feelings?
How do I "move on"?
Do I let go?
Do I just forget?
Do I hold it in or do I let it out?
If I've loved someone before, wouldn't I still love that person now?
If love is forever, then for how long does "forever" truly last?
You see, relationships aren't something to be messed with.
How do you love someone, but then suddenly "dis-love" him/her?
People might be sad or depressed at a so-called "break up" but then I see them acting like nothing ever happened.
It's like, break ups are just break ups and it has nothing to do with feelings.
Like, relationships were made for fun, for laughs, as a JOKE.
Don't people take it seriously?
If they didn't, then why go through all the trouble with buying presents, going on dates and waste so much money for something as pathetic as a simple act of humor?
Is it because having a girlfriend/boyfriend makes you look cool?
Some people even get together without knowing their partner so far as their last name.
Is that what love is?
Is love really that overrated?
I don't know.
I don't know why but I take this love stuff very seriously.
My heart's full of love for her.
It tells me that it wants nobody else.
I know that it's impossible, to have her love me as much as I love her.
Just thinking about it makes me want to cry but I know I'm much stronger than that.
But even strength can't hold back tears of despair.
I want to move on, to find another love.
But I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of what people might think.
I don't want them to get the notion that I've lied to them about how I felt.
I don't want people to say that my feelings for her was just for a moment, that it was just a bloody PHASE.
That's why I can't seem to let go of her.
That's why I feel guilty when my heart tries to love someone else, someone that I may have a chance with.
I love her so much, I don't think I can love someone else.
Is this how it's supposed to be?
Is love, for me, a curse?
Or is it something more than that?
I've waited and I can still wait till the ends of time.
But even the ends of time won't bring her to me.
So, are my feelings ... a waste?
Are they not genuine enough?
I don't blame her or anyone for feeling this way.
It's my fault I feel this way.
So it's me who will have to shoulder the burden of love.
"Who knew forever could end?"
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