Entry 28 : Not Your Typical Me

Hey.
I don't think I've ever blogged in KMJ before.
That's probably because I never really had anything to write about.
But today, I just don't feel right.
And it's been going on since I got back here.

It's only been a little over 18 years that I've lived.
But I already feel tired.
Yeah, I'm tired of life.
The thrill to venture into the depths of the unknown have been inhibited, killed, demolished by the cages of restrictions.
I just don't feel as energetic as I was a while ago.
I just don't know why.
But, yeah, I'm already tired.

It's not that I'm not happy, it's just that I'm not VERY happy.
And for me, I need to be very happy to sustain an awesome way of life.
I can't understand why I feel so unalive at the moment.
Maybe it's because I'm too immersed in studies.
Maybe it's because I know that back home, everyone's having a great time, partying like it's the end of the world.
My brother's been up and down KL like it's no 4-hours distance at all.
My other brother just got back from Turkey, for crying out loud.
Me?
I just got back from my Facebook profile page, after leaving it for a good 5 or 6 days.

I have projects to settle.
I have tutorials to finish up.
I have Chemistry, Biology and Maths to revise.
I have a whole 5 months left of Matriculation life.
But I don't have what I always had back home.
And I don't F**KING know what it is.
All I know is I don't feel complete.

The dudes are going for a tournament on the 18th-19th December.
All the best, Sign.
I think I have the weekend off then but I'll only be a burden.
Sudden Attack is slipping away from me.
I can't headline like I used to.
I don't win Squad Battles anymore.
I don't PWN The 3rd Supply Base or Warehouse, too.
I can't even make my squad look good and as a Leader, that sucks big time.

Why the hell am I complaining on my blog?
I'm sorry.
I just don't feel right.
Haven't been sleeping much, not that that's something out of the ordinary.
Oh, well.
If this what everyone else had to go through then so be it.
It's not like I'll die.
Or will I?

"All study and no SA makes Fear a dull boy"

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