Entry 41 : KMJ - 02 [The Beginning]

Orientation Week was super depressing. I had to endure a week without my family, friends, Sudden Attack SEA, internet, television, air-conditioning and a whole bunch of other stuff. Everywhere I went, I went alone. I didn't care what people thought of me back then. I was too immersed in my own depression, my own loneliness, my own sadness. It was as if I had shut the world out completely. I called Faiz once or twice. He just told me that I shouldn't think too much and focus on studying. I had it in my mind back then that I would do nothing but study when I was there. I had listened intently to all the talks they had. I wrote down every rule, every tip, every point. Every little detail that they had to show us, I knew. You could be walking pass me and suddenly ask a question or ask about what the last speaker had to say and I would jump your ass like a hungry lion on a gazelle. You couldn't mess with me for that whole week. I wasn't stable.

Every night I cried myself to sleep. I kept thinking of what heavenly it would be like if I were at home at that moment. How cold it would be with the air-condition and the fan on full blast. How awesome it would have been to be able to Squad Battle alongside my squad mates. How fun it would be to make new dance videos for In-DC. How great it would be to close to everything that I love. I was harsh on myself. I kept thinking that I couldn't achieve as much happiness at KMJ as much as I did back home.

Even in my class I didn't know what to say or what to do. I was originally put into H3T20, or H20 for short. As usual, there are those get-to-know/ice-breaking activities and stuff. And when we had to sit in the Lecture Hall or mosque for the talks, I always sat alone. When I think back, it was really, really humiliating to have done something so stupid and immature. I was super anti-social. I didn't want to make friends with anybody. All I wanted was to die.

After Orientation Week ended, all the practicums were reshuffled and re-sorted. I was later put into H2T15, H15 for short. I think that was the first of many great things to come. And as luck would have it, or rather, as God had blessed me with luck, my roommate, Wern Hai also became my classmate.

Come Monday, May 17th 2010, the first day of classes began. That morning, H15's first class was Ko-K with Mr. Hasmin. There, we, or maybe only I was exposed to the duties of the Class Representative. He had to bail early so he had asked for volunteers to become the Class Rep. I couldn't control my reflexes and as my leadership instincts prevailed, I raised my hand. I guess, at that time, everyone stared in awe. This disoriented-looking Arabic boy had just volunteered to become the Class Rep. "WTF?!" must've been the majority of thoughts back then. Nobody knew anybody and suddenly I pulled a stunt. What was I getting myself into?

I had to choose a girl as my assistant and I pointed my finger to the first girl in H15 I laid my eyes on, Jamie. I was like, "Whatever, as if she can get angry at me. We don't even know each other,". at 9.00AM we all went to the Library and at 10.00AM was English. English with Miss Linda was amazing. She had this cool way of making everyone introduce themselves. She made us add an adjective before our nicknames, so that the adjective started with the same letter as our name did. The first person, Miss Lovely Linda, introduced herself. The second person then had to say hello to the previous person and then introduce him herself in the same way. The trick was that everyone had to know all the previous persons' name because that's how they would get to know them. I remember Ainur being the last person. She had to repeat everyone else's name. We also had to answer random questions based on suggestions. My answers were: Gerard Way, Fetuccini Carbonara and another one which I don't remember.

At the end of class, Miss Linda had given us an assignment. We had to imagine that we were all studying in a foreign country, in Oxford University, England, and we had come from different countries. So, everybody had to choose a country from where they were from and in the next class, they would have to introduce themselves and give a little bit of story of their background and their country's background. In all honesty, I had forgotten about the assignment in the next class and went on to spit anything that came out from my mind; on impulse. The objective of the assignment was so that everyone would have to speak English in class, since we were from different countries and were studying in England. Brilliant, isn't it? So, from then on, I was Fantastic Firdaus from USA.

The advantages of not caring about other people, is that when you step out in front of a classroom or a crowd, you get to be yourself. Nobody knows you, nobody has first impressions of you and nobody could sure as hell tell you off. That was I thought and with that, I spoke in front of everyone naturally and fluently, with my American accent and spontaneous humor. This, as you might have guessed, was for the assignment. As we had to present ourselves, I didn't care how everyone would react. I just went on and on about utter nonsense. At the end of my presentation, Miss Linda said, or rather urged me to go for Public Speaking auditions for the upcoming KAKOM event. I never, never liked Public Speaking. But, in my quest to find my true self, I took on that challenge.

That was the actual beginning of my Matriculation life. I was about to indulge myself into the world of the unknown. I was about to redefine myself, my mentality and my life.

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