Hey, everyone.
The other day my brother asked me,
I didn't really know how to explain it but I simply said that it was my "mood".
It's honestly much more than that. But before I get into why, here's some back story.
I've been a great fan of black & white photography for a long time. One of my earliest photos from my "A Photo A Day" series back in 2013 was in black & white:
My most favorite street photograph to date is in black & white, shot on my trip to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam in 2014:
I also very much prefer to shoot black & white film (Kodak Tri-X 400) whenever I get to:
Black & white works of legendary photographers such as Ansel Adams and Henri Cartier-Bresson also influence me a lot. Their articulate talent in the way they shoot photographs is mind-blowing, where the photos devoid of color really break the scene down to its sheer core. I'm also a huge fan of modern day monochrome shooters like Eric Kim and Josh White.
I used to think that black & white photography was all about the challenge of looking for creative compositions or interesting subjects, or just as a means to elevate the artistic value of my photographs that would otherwise not look as good in color. A lot of the times I would just convert my digital RAW files into black & white just to see if they would work better without color. Sometimes I would already see a scene in black & white, where the conversion would happen because I know what I wanted. I personally don't think it's wrong to shoot in color and then convert it to black & white in post. Hell, it's one of the greatest things about shooting digital anyway.
The fact is I really like the look of black & white photos. The way they make me feel something more than just awe. It's like staring into the soul of a photograph - or rather, a photographer. The connection is real, the message is clear and there rarely is a longing for striking reds or calm blues. But of course not everyone can execute black & white as well as others. Even I'm not great at it, too. However, when the photographer knows how to do justice to black & white photography, it creates a whole new perspective of a person, of a scene - of reality.
But now, my thoughts on monochrome have changed dramatically, and it's all due to the recent death of my grandfather.
It was so sudden. He hadn't been ill or anything, only needing his routine dialysis treatment. Albeit his inability to walk or stand for long periods, he was pretty healthy and still very sharp. Every day he would read the newspaper from front to back, even the irrelevant entertainment articles. He would recite the Quran and study the Kamus Dewan to solve crossword puzzles. His favorite channels are the discovery channels and also all the sports channels. He would know random facts about animals and technology or the most recent results of sports tournaments. A very wise and patient man, he would always know what to say and when to say it.
So when Tok Min passed away, everyone was just taken aback. My parents, my brothers, my cousins, my aunts, and my uncles were all heartbroken; and I was, too. It seemed that all aspects of life became dull and mundane - that all the color in the world had faded to gray.
And that is the particular reason why I've been shooting mainly in black & white now. Because for the first few days of my granddad's death I had lost all will. I have had episodes of depression before (not formally diagnosed, though) but I had repressed it for a long time as I've occupied myself with work. But this all was just too much and I had no way to translate what I felt.
Coincidentally, I had the Olympus PEN-F in possession at the time and one of the newest features is a dedicated dial to change picture profiles, where there was a 'Monochrome' option with built-in presets or profiles. One of the profiles was said to be close to Tri-X, a black & white film which I am greatly fond of. I decided to stick the camera into this preset and shoot whatever it is that I wanted to. No need for clever composition, convoluted backstory, artistic creativity or even a slight hint towards something meaningful.
I needed an outlet. This was the only thing I could think of. At my grandparents' house, I just started to shoot stuff:
It's been almost a month from that dreadful day. I'm trying to get on with life and, honestly, I really have to. There's so much in store for the rest of the year that dwelling in the past really won't help, at all. In fact, I have a video due at the end of the month which I haven't even started on yet. I feel like I'm so screwed right now. Even my PEN-F review isn't coming along as quickly as I had wanted, which is why I decided to get this entry up first before my review.
I had initially wanted this to come after the review, but I really felt like writing something about myself first before I start to bash on a camera (spoiler alert).
Now I guess I'll just focus on my research and my preparations for the coming months. Lots of things are coming up and I have to be at the top of my game to make it all work out as planned. I don't know when I'll feel comfortable to shoot in color again, but I'm getting there.
I hope.
.
.
.
.
.
Rest in peace, Tok Min.
Al-Fatihah.
The other day my brother asked me,
"Why are your photos all black & white?"He was referring to the photos I've been uploading on my Instagram lately
I didn't really know how to explain it but I simply said that it was my "mood".
It's honestly much more than that. But before I get into why, here's some back story.
I've been a great fan of black & white photography for a long time. One of my earliest photos from my "A Photo A Day" series back in 2013 was in black & white:
Nikon D7100 + Nikkor 35mm f1.8G DX on Monochrome picture profile
My most favorite street photograph to date is in black & white, shot on my trip to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam in 2014:
Nikon D7100 + Nikkor 18-105mm f3.5-5.6G VR
I also very much prefer to shoot black & white film (Kodak Tri-X 400) whenever I get to:
Nikon FE10 + Zoom-Nikkor 35-70mm f/3.5-4.8s on Kodak Tri-X 400 film
Black & white works of legendary photographers such as Ansel Adams and Henri Cartier-Bresson also influence me a lot. Their articulate talent in the way they shoot photographs is mind-blowing, where the photos devoid of color really break the scene down to its sheer core. I'm also a huge fan of modern day monochrome shooters like Eric Kim and Josh White.
I used to think that black & white photography was all about the challenge of looking for creative compositions or interesting subjects, or just as a means to elevate the artistic value of my photographs that would otherwise not look as good in color. A lot of the times I would just convert my digital RAW files into black & white just to see if they would work better without color. Sometimes I would already see a scene in black & white, where the conversion would happen because I know what I wanted. I personally don't think it's wrong to shoot in color and then convert it to black & white in post. Hell, it's one of the greatest things about shooting digital anyway.
Bukit Bintang, 2014
Nikon D7100 + Nikkor 35mm f1.8G DX
But now, my thoughts on monochrome have changed dramatically, and it's all due to the recent death of my grandfather.
Hj. Sarmin Abdullah Safar
1939 - 2016
It was so sudden. He hadn't been ill or anything, only needing his routine dialysis treatment. Albeit his inability to walk or stand for long periods, he was pretty healthy and still very sharp. Every day he would read the newspaper from front to back, even the irrelevant entertainment articles. He would recite the Quran and study the Kamus Dewan to solve crossword puzzles. His favorite channels are the discovery channels and also all the sports channels. He would know random facts about animals and technology or the most recent results of sports tournaments. A very wise and patient man, he would always know what to say and when to say it.
So when Tok Min passed away, everyone was just taken aback. My parents, my brothers, my cousins, my aunts, and my uncles were all heartbroken; and I was, too. It seemed that all aspects of life became dull and mundane - that all the color in the world had faded to gray.
And that is the particular reason why I've been shooting mainly in black & white now. Because for the first few days of my granddad's death I had lost all will. I have had episodes of depression before (not formally diagnosed, though) but I had repressed it for a long time as I've occupied myself with work. But this all was just too much and I had no way to translate what I felt.
Coincidentally, I had the Olympus PEN-F in possession at the time and one of the newest features is a dedicated dial to change picture profiles, where there was a 'Monochrome' option with built-in presets or profiles. One of the profiles was said to be close to Tri-X, a black & white film which I am greatly fond of. I decided to stick the camera into this preset and shoot whatever it is that I wanted to. No need for clever composition, convoluted backstory, artistic creativity or even a slight hint towards something meaningful.
I needed an outlet. This was the only thing I could think of. At my grandparents' house, I just started to shoot stuff:
It's been almost a month from that dreadful day. I'm trying to get on with life and, honestly, I really have to. There's so much in store for the rest of the year that dwelling in the past really won't help, at all. In fact, I have a video due at the end of the month which I haven't even started on yet. I feel like I'm so screwed right now. Even my PEN-F review isn't coming along as quickly as I had wanted, which is why I decided to get this entry up first before my review.
I had initially wanted this to come after the review, but I really felt like writing something about myself first before I start to bash on a camera (spoiler alert).
Now I guess I'll just focus on my research and my preparations for the coming months. Lots of things are coming up and I have to be at the top of my game to make it all work out as planned. I don't know when I'll feel comfortable to shoot in color again, but I'm getting there.
I hope.
.
.
.
.
.
Rest in peace, Tok Min.
Al-Fatihah.
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